Monday, January 30, 2006

On Writing...

Let me start by saying that I've never really experienced a heavy dose of writer's block until this past year. I don't even know if I would call it a 'block' really. It was more like a 'disenchantment' with the whole writing-for-publication struggle. Questions and doubt assailed me. Why am I putting myself through this? Maybe I don't have what it takes. Why bother?

Well, needless to say, these doubts caused me to stop writing. It drained my motivation and creativity. And this had negative affects on other areas of my life. I wasn't writing. That spark wasn't inside me. It depressed me. Made me unhappy with so many other things.

Now, I have it back - and THANK GOD it came back! My creative spark is intricately tied into my entire life and well being. The two are not, nor will they ever be, separate entities. I realized that I needed to step back and stop obsessing so hard about getting published, to stop allowing it to hang over my head like a dark cloud. That I needed to rediscover the joy and excitement again in my writing.

I took a good, long look at myself, my goals and the kinds of stories that inspired me when I was young, the kind of stories that made me want to be a writer, and I began to write again. I don't care if what I'm working on now fits into any genre, if the market is hot or not for it, if my tale is generally written this way, or that way. Don't care. I've always written stories I love, and in genres that I love - but, I think it's important sometimes to 'let go' of publication obsession for a little while, too. I think that's where I got hung up. I want so much to be published, to be able to tell my husband that all his support hasn't been in vain. And I want it for myself because I know I can do it, because it's what I was meant to do - so much so, that I can't seem to follow through and do anything else with my life or hold down any kind of profession. It's hard to let that kind of 'want' go, but for my sanity, I had to! And it has helped a lot.

I'm still pursuing publication, but for once I'm not obsessing over it or letting it get in the way of my creativity. I'm writing MY kind of story, and I haven't felt this exhilarated and optimistic in a long time.

4 comments:

Y said...

Kelly,

So glad to hear you're out of the " 'disenchantment' with the whole writing-for-publication struggle." thing. I know EXACTLY how you feel.

Unfortunately, it's one of those things us writers go through... but at least now you're writing something you want to, something that reminds you why you started writing in the first place.

And that's great. It's what I try to do -- just keep going and going without letting that dark cloud bring me darkness for too long.

I'm like you, the creative process is a part of my every day existence.

Keep writing and don't lose the FUN of getting those tales out of your head!

:)

Kelli said...

I think as writers we almost all struggle with this same thing. I'm so proud of you for finding your way back to what's important. Don't let your dream die. It will happen someday. Maybe not as soon as you (or I, for that matter) would like. But if you give it up, then you guarantee that you won't ever be published. Sometimes remembering that is all that keeps me going. I can't wait to hear more about your latest story!

Kelly Gay said...

Thanks, guys. Sometimes I think I must be insane to put myself through this whole process. But, I do so love to write! :) Insanity rules...

Shawn said...

I am so glad you aren't giving up your dream.