My Query

Morning All! Below I have posted my query letter for THE BETTER PART OF DARKNESS. The original query is in black and my comments are in blue. Hope it's helpful. :) And please make sure to check out Colleen's comments on her blog! It's also posted over at FinePrint's blog.

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Dear Ms. Lindsay,

I'm seeking representation for my 90,000 word urban fantasy, THE BETTER PART OF DARKNESS, where the beings of heaven and hell have come out of the closet, and they aren't the things of Sunday school lessons and Hallmark figurines.

First paragraph – The Introduction. The goal here was to fit the facts: why I’m writing the letter, word count, title, and genre. Often writers will stop at this point, and I have as well with other queries in the past, but if you have a tag line, use it! The trick with using a tagline is to make sure it’s short. You don’t want to start your introduction paragraph off with a long explanation, or a hefty paragraph. Keep everything light, and the reader will find it easier to read. Notice how all my information is in one tidy sentence.

Eight months after dying on the job and being resuscitated an hour later, CHARLIE MADIGAN is back patrolling Underground Atlanta for the ITF, Integration Task Force, an agency designed to police and monitor immigrant beings from Elysia (heaven) and Charbydon (hell).

Second Paragraph - I jumped right in, introducing my main character. One sentence that is packed with a lot of information. My character’s name, job, a little teaser about her near-death experience, and also the world in which she lives. With fantasy, it’s easy to get bogged down by explaining your world. If you can weave some basic world info into your paragraphs, that’s much better than using an entire paragraph to info dump. And it’s always helpful to remind yourself that the agent reading the query is a smart person; trust them to get it. Pick a few words and sentences to explain your world and characters, and they’ll get the picture.

With her partner HANK, a siren from Elysia, Charlie makes sure the co-mingling of species goes without incident. But when her pre-teen daughter, EMMA, learns that a beloved babysitter is lying comatose in a hospital from accidentally ingesting After Glow, a new off-world drug, Charlie takes it personal. She discovers a link between the new drug and the Charbydon Political Party, becoming a target and a possible tool for bringing darkness to the city of Atlanta.

Third Paragraph – The plot. Think back cover book blurb here. Trying to explain the plot in three sentences is pretty difficult, but read some blurbs, get a feel for how books are boiled down into a few sentences. Go back to your early notes and use them to identify those main points you might have written down. Play around with your sentences, cutting, moving around, until they read as smoothly as possible.

My character, Charlie, is a tough woman typical of urban fantasy heroines, but she's also a single mother to a headstrong kid, and a divorcee to an ex who wants her back so badly, he's bartered his soul to a demon who's come to collect. Her personal life is just as complex as her work, making her, I believe, a unique addition to the genre.

Fourth Paragraph – Here’s where I diverged a little from my other queries and took a gamble. I added an extra paragraph. Normally I would have skipped this and made my fourth paragraph the “bio” part of the letter, but I really wanted to showcase Charlie and felt I had a unique enough character to do that. Two sentences. I kept it short, but packed a bunch of conflict into the paragraph.

I'm a 2005 RWA Golden Heart finalist in the paranormal category and a 2005 Laurie winner for best single title romance novel. I'm also a recipient of the 2005/2006 North Carolina Arts Council grant fellowship in writing.

Fifth Paragraph – I hate to write about myself, so yay for brevity here! I had other things I could have added to this paragraph, but there’s really no reason to list every single accomplishment. I want my story and my writing to speak for itself. And, hey, if you don’t have any writing kudos to list just give a one-sentence over view of any writing organizations you’re in, or that degree you have, or if you have experience that relates to your book in some way.

I've pasted the first few pages below, and I hope to hear from you at your convenience.

Sixth Paragraph. Just wrapping things up here, following guidelines and ending it short and sweet. Done.

Best Regards,

Kelly Gay

Okay, so the biggest keys for me when crafting a query is brevity (think, ‘just the facts, ma’am’) and sentence structure. The goal is to make the read easy, while showcasing the book. At the first go-round, my queries are usually two pages. But then I cut, move things around, and dissect sentences. I try to find places where I can combine sentences and possibly take out words, and I always, always, always think about flow. This is a great time to show your skills as a writer, don’t waste the opportunity on complicated sentences, too much detail, and back story.

And if I’m having a hard time summing up a particular point, I find it helpful to just sit in a quiet place and imagine myself trying to explain what my book is about to a non-writer friend. It always starts off a little uncomfortable and shaky, but inevitably, there’s always a sentence or two that pops into my mind that I end up using.

That's it. Hope some of you found a few things helpful in all this! :)